Lately

I have found that lately, my life has felt so empty. Its as if there is a part of me missing and I'm not sure what it could be. I have been searching inside myself and my daily life to see if I can figure it out, but still it has not come to me.

In me there is something fighting to come out, but I could no sooner tell you what it is, than to walk across the oceans. I feel like screaming, but I don't think I would be heard. I'm so alone in my mind, that reality just seems a blur. Its scary in here and I so wish that someone would help me escape. Sometimes I wonder what my life actually means? Have I ever known love and the care of someone other than that of my mother. Has my life meant anything to anyone else? Things have gone so wrong, so many times, I can't help but feel like I am nothing. I want someone's hand to hold, but I am afraid to let it be held. Fear of more pain, is what keeps me from letting go and just letting love.

I fear being known, for if one were to see into my mind, how would they feel about me, about the thoughts they would see? Its like a stormy ocean, I am just waiting for the rough tide to come in and wash me away, take me to the light that the dying see, let it wash away my sins, and then spit me to the surface again. To live a life where the memories that haunt me have been dragged back out, like the oceans foam. It floats away and the little bubbles just disappear.

Why must I feel this way? I want to cry, and the tears are there, but I simply can't let them fall. They burn too much and the pain then becomes more real. When will someone hold me and then never let go?

Simple words to be forgotten. For they are still not enough to describe the agony I feel.