Pain Leaving.

I took a few stairs,
and turned to watch you close that door,
your gaze lingered and your eyes caught mine.
I felt the soul tear out of me.

I cannot believe it has been so long and that I survived.
That I now find my heart mending.
That you are slowly drifting away from my thoughts.
You are just a memory now, a little saddening,
but needed as just that.
So that I may give myself to him now.

He is not a replacement of what we had.
No, that could never be done.
Beauty needs no reason to exist,
I am just thankful to have had it at all.

I have loved and lost, but I always know I will love again.
Slowly I feel life falling into place,
one day I will know completely that I am there.
I hold his hand as he looks at me,
knowing that this moment and what I feel, is everything to me.
This moment has existed all my life, and I am finally here.

In different ways, my past runs through my veins,
sometimes I wish it wasn't so;
but the tragedies, like the grandeur brings all the future to me.
Without them I can go nowhere ahead.

So I take his hand and bring it to my heart,
these moments made ours are such blessed things.
I love him and all that he is and brings into my life.
You, running through me are aware of this,
I feel your burn fade and begin to let go of your hold on me,
and I embrace that freedom, for he is now my love.

This Feeling.

This is different... the way I feel right now.
This thing pouring through my vains, pumped from heart.
For so long I'd kept my heart pulled out of me,
and now I find it beats in me, scars forming over the wound.
I am in shock that I can feel this way.

You are not always around the way I feel I need you,
But you are a part of me I didn't know.
A part that sears my skin and plays with my soul.
I open to you in ways I cannot explain,
you are that element I needed to bring me to life.

I know I will lay down in a bit,
fall into a deep sleep and find you there with me
Insomnia haunting me now as it did in my past,
it slowly breaks away, leaving me dreaming once more.
How liberating it is to find you there even when you aren't.

This feeling.....
I don't know what it is;
but I know I have searched for it for so long.
At last I can spread my words across white sheets,
staining them with the beauty you bring to me.

To you....

I am your heart,

And you are my soul,

Together we are the creation of love.

Oh that sweet traitor, that has killed me.

For now it is without you,

I must force breath into my lungs,

And it is your face that must haunt my memories.

Seeing you again after time has flown by,

After love has come and gone again and again,

I hear that familiar song of ours playing in the wind.

The long, slow melody of undying love;

Two hearts joined and sounding as one,

Into our ears, when we lay together.

I am sure you feel my spirit dance in you,

As I know I feel your heart pounding in me,

In the moments that we see each other.

Just to see you again,

Is to live those moments once more,

Where I did feel your touch on my skin.

Oh, how that sweet passion does linger,

How it fills me up and I am complete.

Why must you fly away so quickly,

Leaving my lips numb with the feel of yours still on them?

It is wrong that we still love each other,

But the stars have written our tale across the sky.

So forever more it be.

I miss you in more ways than could ever be told.

Full Moon

Full Moon

Oh, dear moon how I envy you.

I watch you every month fall in love with the night sky,

You spin around in his presence,

Full of life and light.

But you tire, for it seems he does not acknowledge you.

Your spirit fades,

Little by little you break apart.

The world around him is nothing but darkness.

For yes dear moon, although he says nothing,

You are what keeps the tide from swallowing him up.

A lonely soul somewhere cries out,

‘Without you the stars are but tears.’;

And with so few words,

You know it is him relaying it on, from your love.

You dance back into life.

Amongst his tears of, then, joy,

Night brighter than he lay before.

K BMR M

Full Moon

Oh, dear moon how I envy you.

I watch you every month fall in love with the night sky,

You spin around in his presence,

Full of life and light.

But you tire, for it seems he does not acknowledge you.

Your spirit fades,

Little by little you break apart.

The world around him is nothing but darkness.

For yes dear moon, although he says nothing,

You are what keeps the tide from swallowing him up.

A lonely soul somewhere cries out,

‘Without you the stars are but tears.’;

And with so few words,

You know it is him relaying it on, from your love.

You dance back into life.

Amongst his tears of, then, joy,

Night brighter than he lay before.

K BMR M

Poem

When the soul is lonely, and the heart sad
it tears at you, your mind goes mad.
When the person you love most is gone away,
when the bright sun fades from the day,
the darkness spills in taking it's place.
All good things disappear without a trace.
Oh! How lost you are sorrowful heart,
for his betrayal has torn smile and spirit apart.
Hatred moves in, to where all pain had vanished,
leaving every bit of you, for joy, famished.
How can things be made right,
when he slammed that door shut, simply no fight.
No words spoken, he simply disappeared,
and from all that was done, he knew it was most what you feared,
that you should be abandoned walking on the hill,
the one where all your joy and tears did spill.
Man's heart, your heart, is now so unkind,
without him, your strength, you cannot find.
Look on dear woman, for it is there,
it is the part that is left, the part left bare.
Go on dear woman, for life can be re-found,
Follow your destiny, fate has it bound.

Lately

I have found that lately, my life has felt so empty. Its as if there is a part of me missing and I'm not sure what it could be. I have been searching inside myself and my daily life to see if I can figure it out, but still it has not come to me.

In me there is something fighting to come out, but I could no sooner tell you what it is, than to walk across the oceans. I feel like screaming, but I don't think I would be heard. I'm so alone in my mind, that reality just seems a blur. Its scary in here and I so wish that someone would help me escape. Sometimes I wonder what my life actually means? Have I ever known love and the care of someone other than that of my mother. Has my life meant anything to anyone else? Things have gone so wrong, so many times, I can't help but feel like I am nothing. I want someone's hand to hold, but I am afraid to let it be held. Fear of more pain, is what keeps me from letting go and just letting love.

I fear being known, for if one were to see into my mind, how would they feel about me, about the thoughts they would see? Its like a stormy ocean, I am just waiting for the rough tide to come in and wash me away, take me to the light that the dying see, let it wash away my sins, and then spit me to the surface again. To live a life where the memories that haunt me have been dragged back out, like the oceans foam. It floats away and the little bubbles just disappear.

Why must I feel this way? I want to cry, and the tears are there, but I simply can't let them fall. They burn too much and the pain then becomes more real. When will someone hold me and then never let go?

Simple words to be forgotten. For they are still not enough to describe the agony I feel.